My Wednesday nights used to be reserved for him, for us. I have always left my Wednesday nights open for him even after we decided to go our separate ways. It just didn’t feel right planning something or doing something with someone else on our coveted Wednesday nights. Was it that old habits die hard, or was I holding on to the remnants?
Go time arrived last Wednesday night and was disguised as an outing with a male friend of mine to see one of my favorite local bands. I had so much fun, listening to the band, dancing, chatting, laughing and just having a good adult time so why did I feel like I was cheating on him? Why did I fell like if he was here we would be having so much fun? How can you cheat on somebody who you are no longer with? That’s right, you can’t. I always enjoy this band and this outing was no different. I felt so alive, so free, so normal……
Yesterday (Wednesday) I had a late dinner say 8 pm. I went out to Olive Garden with the same aforementioned male friend and had a good time. My only regret was having an extra breadstick. I wish that I didn’t eat so many carbs that late but hey I was having a good time so I went for it. Does this count as mingling??? If so I may have to change it from Single and not ready to mingle to single and ready to mingle on a limited basis..
– Single and Not Ready to Mingle
I used to wake up, say my prayers then immediately check my phone for his calls or texts. Then I would hop online and check his social media sites.
In retrospect, what was I looking for? An excuse to end our friendship? A hint of a blossoming relationship with someone else? Some sign that he still loved me or cared for me? All of that was a huge waste of time and energy. Not to mention I would ask him all the time – Do you love me? He would always respond I love you all the time. Well all love isn’t good love. Since we are no longer together, what he does and who he does it with shouldn’t be my business. Unless of course, it interferes with our friendship.
Being friends with someone who you love or still in love with is torture. Our friendship has been nothing but rainbows and glitter ( perfect ). So perfect in fact it made me resent him. The kind of friendship that we have I wished existed in the confines of our relationship. I do take partial blame because I am much more open and laid back now. Reason being is I have nothing to lose. It’s actually quite freeing because I don’t have to measure up or be who or what he needs me to be. There is comfort in knowing that anytime we do communicate, talk, whatever that it’s because we want to and not just out of obligation.
-Still single and Not Ready to Mingle
Here in the Midwest it has been bitterly cold, snowy and gloomy. This leaves me craving beautiful sunsets. I will never forget being in Ensenada, Mexico dancing salsa underneath the setting sun. That was one of the most breath taking things that I have experienced. The way that the water appeared to engulf the sun while sprinkling vibrant purple, orange and reds across the sky was just magical. In my regular everyday life I don’t see enough sunsets. I am always busy doing other things and then I look up and it’s dark again. Sunsets always calm my soul. They remind me that life is good and that it is okay to relax and pause if only for a few minutes to enjoy the beauty that is around us. This year I will travel and try to see as many sunsets as I can. When was the last time you saw the setting sun?
Seeing some improvement finally.
I love him. I’m still in love with him. Sometimes I want to be back with him. Although I know that being back together is not what is best for me. Our relationship was founded on love, lust, lies, scandal, good times, alcohol, sex and lots of it. Late nights and early mornings was the rule rather than the exception. We couldn’t get enough of each other. If we could have lived within the confines of our bedroom our chances for relationship survival would have easily doubled. I let the relationship control me. I wasn’t controlling the relationship. It spiraled out of control and blew up in our faces. I miss the fun, the late night conversations, the security of being in a relationship but I need, desire, and want more. I deserve more. I want something real. Something lasting. Most of all I want someone who will fight for our relationship and fight for me. Someone who is loyal and honest and who will stick, stay and work it out. I was in a over extended one night stand disguised as a relationship for nearly 2 years.
Single and Not Ready to Mingle
I don’t hope you have a happy Valentines Day. I hope you wake up and turn on the shower and all the water runs cold. I hope you slip on some soap and hit your head on the bottom of the tub. If by chance you gain consciousness I hope none of your socks match and that your favorite pair of under ware is dirty. I hope your car doesn’t start but if by chance it does I hope it blows up into a million pieces. I hope the fire department gets lost on the way to put out the fire. When you go pick up your rental car I hope you find that you have a $1000 deductible and that you have to get a pay day loan with a 500% interest rate to pay for it. Once you get the rental car I hope you swerve off the street and do a 360 into a tree and wake up in a body cast at a public hospital. Blank you and your Valentines Day, your empty promises, your too late apologies, your I never meant to hurt you and your disappointments. The next person who says happy Valentines Day to me knowing I am single is getting punched in the throat!
Thank you for reading and I hope it made you laugh.
Single and not ready to mingle