Life would be much easier if a little timer went off so you would know when you are completely over someone. In Feb I wrote about how I was out with someone other than my ex and I was thinking about him a lot, and almost felt like I was cheating on him or doing something wrong even though we were no longer together.
Well a couple of weeks ago I was out with ” The Guy” and ran into one of my ex’s friends. I knew that at some point I would be dealing with this situation or something similar. I was glad that he ran into me on that day because on that night I was definitely on point with everything . We both actually ran into a few friends on that night.
I didn’t feel anything like I did back in February and if we hadn’t ran into that person my ex never would have even crossed my mind. Things change. People change. Thoughts and ideas change. Life is forever evolving and those who adjust to accommodate change, win.
Single and Mingling
Have you ever had one of those never ending tiring weeks? Well that was me this week. Craziness at work, my phone couldn’t make incoming or outgoing calls, I had a disagreement with ” The Guy” ( we later made up ) , my kids visitation was thrown off, and I didn’t work out at all.
My car is in need of repairs so I took it to the repair shop. I was having a exhaust system issue, I needed new brakes ( found out I needed rotors as well) new tires ( had a blow out last Saturday) and a oil change. Well my dad asked what I was doing and ended up meeting me at the car shop. There was no hug or anything like that I said Hey and he came and sat by me. We had some conversation , spent most of the day together and he paid for my repairs. It has been about a couple of years since we seen each other.
At the end of the day people are just people. Sometimes you have to just let go and go with the flow. Yes I have unanswered questions and maybe one day we will have that conversation but it profits me nothing to dwell on the past when I could be working on the future.
I handle all new relationships with care, it will be interesting to see how this plays out.
It took me about 3 hours to complete this look on my 5 year old daughter. Hair was previously washed and doubled twisted. No hair extensions used. Style should last a month with frequent washing ( its swimming and camping season) and nightly bonnet usage.
Natural State of Mind!
I believe that I have grown as a women. This year I refused to focus on all the negative feelings I have towards my dad. This year the anger and disdain I normally feel didn’t creep up on me. I didn’t feel like knocking over Father’s Day card displays. I didn’t like or create any daddy bashing FB posts. I woke up said my prayers, dropped my kids off to their dad and went to church. I came home, washed dishes and cleaned house.
I’m in the process of meal prepping for the week. It’s more important that I prepare for the week instead of focus on the past. There was no card, no calls, no dinner or anything for my dad. We’ve missed countless birthdays, and important events. He doesn’t call me on Mother’s Day. I don’t call him on Father’s Day. It’s nothing new it’s just what we’ve always done.
Yesterday I had a tire blow out with my kids in the car. I called a few friends but no one was able to assist me. My step dad of course dropped everything to drive across town and save the day. He’s just awesome like that. I consider myself blessed because even though my birth father wasn’t there I have a slew of uncles, and a step dad that are always there for me. I survived Father’s Day and was able to spend a little time in church with my real super heroes. My super heroes are the men who continue to save the day. The men who make it easy to be me. Then men who remind me that I can’t do it all and it’s ok to fall back and let them help me.
I survived Fathers Day 2014! Now where’s my t-shirt?
As promised in part 3 I will discuss what else compelled me to head down the path of forgiveness. How I over compensate to make sure my kids never feel what I felt, and if I have truly forgiven my dad and where we are at in our relationship.
John 13: 34-35 ; 34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” Good old conviction compelled me to get this relationship in motion. How can I teach my kids about love, how could I dare proclaim the love of Jesus if I am willing to love everyone but my dad? When you desire to walk and live in truth you have to do it wholeheartedly.
I have a tendency to overcompensate to make sure my kids never feel abandoned. My family is very supportive. At all milestones someone is there to support my kids in every way. Even my kids know that my dad is inconsistent. If I tell them he is coming they laugh and say you know he isn’t coming.
Currently, there is no relationship with my dad. We have had a few phone conversations recently. Which is more than we’ve had in years. I told him straight up, I just need you to call when you say you are going to call and come when you say you are going to come. That worked for about a week and then he slid back into his old ways and old habits.
Sometimes, I think people want to feel needed. I am horrible at making people feel needed. People have let me down so much that my faith in God has increased dramatically , my faith in people has decreased equally. Also I have experienced being with somebody who gives you the world as long as you play your part. But quickly take it all away if you don’t adhere to whatever contrived part they want you to play. Those experiences have caused me to be overly independent. I am somebody who charts their own course and prefers to do things on my own. I get things on my own. I keep things on my own. If things don’t work out, I shoulder the disappointment on my own, which has proven to be a heavy burden to bear at times.
This is a learning season in my life. I’m so curious and I desire to seek clarity in all things. I feel like my heart is no longer hardened towards my dad but I’m still unsure as to what the lesson is. Acceptance perhaps? Accepting that sometimes people have good intentions but poor execution. Accepting that what’s important to me may not be important to others. Accepting closure and reserving the right to move on. There is freedom in forgiveness and I am happy that I am able to provide a certain level of freedom to my inner little girl so I can live wholly as a women. I’ll continue to work toward progress.
Thoughts from the mind of a jaded little girl.
Update picture : So this is what I look like with and without my corset trainer. It makes a difference. All my other under garments are the same.
I waist train at least 4 hours a day. I’m looking forward to my next one.
I was tagged by the lovely beautifullymane at http://beautifullymane.wordpress.com/ to list my curl confessions.
So here I am. Enjoy!
My curl confessions.
1. I color my own hair.
2. I love going to the barbershop. All of the testosterone makes me smile.
3. My hair is coarse and nappy. Neither word offends me.
4. My sister is my go to guru of natural hair.
5. I only buy hair products that smell good.
6. I’ve been natural at least 10 times and I’ve never transitioned. I’ve always just went to the barbershop and got a high fade or a ceaser.
7. I am a self proclaimed lazy natural. I don’t read labels. I don’t know my hair porosity. I don’t watch blogs. Occasionally I use grease. I don’t use any particular regimen. I spend less than 5 minutes in the morning on my hair. Today I wet it, used Shea Moisture Curl soufflé , and followed up with coconut oil. I rubbed it all in and that was it. No comb, pick, or brush.
8. I let people touch my hair, if they ask first.
9. My hair hates no poo’ing.
10. My hair loves coconut oil.
I will never make my own hair products.
I now tag my beautiful best friend superglamourous at http://www.superglamourous.com