Day 2 of the 90 Day Men Fast

Day 2 brings several calls and texts from men.

Hey Beautiful.

Good morning.

I’ve been trying to get in contact with you. Where have you been?

And even a proposition.

Ignoring calls and text is not half as hard as I thought it would be.

Today’s learned lesson is live life without apologies.

I am not sorry that I am changing and I don’t have to justify that with anyone.

I took the kids to get cupcakes today (and one for me too) on the way home from school and work.

Everyday is special and it doesn’t have to be a special occasion to indulge a little bit.

Day 1 the 90 Day Men Fast

I had a really good date the night before I started my new adventure. Just one of those dates where everything flows effortlessly. He arrived on time. Was outside standing by the car to let me in. I just had to show up. I never had to touch any doors, reach for my wallet or worry about the details. I am such a homebody and it was just good to be away from my house. 

This should be easy right? After all I have church on Sunday which takes up a good part of the day. Some things were easy the no talking, the no dating, but texting and not letting my mind wonder well I didn’t do as well.

Can you make someones day?

When was the last time you made a conscious effort to make someones day? 

Oh how I love the power of the internet.

I was able to send my little sitter a edible arrangement to her college dorm 600 miles away from me.

I remember being in college and being so excited just to get mail.

I was able to encourage her and put a unexpected smile on her face.

There will always be people who say they support you.

I want to be the type of sister who shows  my support.

I just always want my sister to know that she has a support system, and we love and think about her often.

The card that I sent with the arrangement said

Although we are several miles apart, 

You are always close to our heart. 

Second thoughts

Once I set forth my mind to complete the 90 day men fast, I felt focused and determined. Not long after I started having second thoughts. Is this something that I really want or need to do? Or is this something that I am using as a crutch because I don’t want to face the fact that I gave more than my all, more then I ever thought I could give and things with “ The Guy” still didn’t work out?  My next thought bought with it a sobering reality. What if I enjoy being single so much that my desire to be in a relationship leaves and I miss out on creating something beautiful? What about the 2 dates that I went on? What if they think that I am not interested? What should I do with all of the free time? And finally how can I possibility go 90 days with no flirting, talking, texting, or dating men?  After I let my thoughts run wild, I came to the conclusion that because I have so many unanswered questions this is the perfect time to do the work. Then I walked confidently in the direction of the 90 day men fast. 

The cold shoulder

cold shoulder

NOUN

a refusal to behave in a friendly or pleasant way toward somebody

 

I am going on a 90 day man fast. Not just from you but from all men.

Short simple text I sent.

Yes I was angry, again.

Yes I was disappointed, again.

Yes he said that he was coming over the night before and didn’t show up, again.

According to him it wasn’t his fault. I didn’t really care who was at fault I just know that the same thing has happened on more that a few occasions.

No I don’t want to see you today.

I didn’t care that it would be at least 90 days without communication or contact.

At this point I was just tired.

I prayed this simple prayer.

Lord, I am tired. I feel defeated. I just want more of you and that’s all. I trust you in all areas of my life even in the place that I have allowed to grow cold because of disappointment. I know that I can not say that I love you but still harbor resentment and continue to carry around trust issues. I trust you to write my next love story. Help me to be in your will and not in your way. Amen.

When ” The Guy” showed up of course I opened the door but I was deep in thought, deep in my feelings and deep in cleaning the stove so our conversation was dry and short.

Later I had to text that I was sorry because treating someone with a cold shoulder is not something that I do. Regardless of how people treat me it should not cause me to treat them less than.

This journey is never easy and I tell people that I am human I make mistakes but when I do I try to make things right as soon as I can. I still don’t like the taste of humble pie.

 

90 day men fast.

In preparation of the 90 day men fast.

Preparation for the 90 day men fast.

I am on a self imposed 90 day Men fast. Click here to read my previous blog that outlines the details of the fast and the rules.

Am I crazy or what? I love men. I love masculinity. I love male energy. Men are beautiful. Why would I ever want to be away from that? I have taken relationship breaks; there have been times of extended intentional celibacy so why am I making such a big deal about this? Well it’s because this time my intention is totally different. I have to go within and do some self reflection. Change for me is never easy. I am set in my ways. I thrive on consistency. Bless my little Taurus soul.

This time differs because I have never given up flirting, texting, calling, and dating all at the same time. I can be honest with myself in stating that I spend adequate time daydreaming about the future. I just think that when you are a good person and know that you have a lot of great qualities the desire to want to share that and build on that intensifies.

So now that I have set up my rules for the 90 day men fast it’s time to settle down and get to work.

How awesome would it be to take these 90 days to read, meditate, pray even more, get in the best shape of my life, travel, or even pick up salsa dancing again? I am pretty awesome and great company so why not take myself out on a few dates?

No boys allowed ( 90 day men fast)

It’s Saturday morning and the below zero frigid Midwestern temperatures have most of us dreaming of hot chocolate, Netflix, staying in bed, cuddling, and here I am in bed with my iPad blogging and working out the details of my 90 day men fast.

My greatest moments of clarity are generally birthed from great disappointments and for some reason I keep falling sort in the men department. My blocked caller list is growing longer while my patience is growing shorter. So the purpose of this 90 day men fast is to allow myself some space to get my thoughts, emotions and energy back on track and to really spend some time seeking God and spiritual clarity. I want to put myself in a position to reclaim the love, energy, time and intention that I have misappropriated. I have always been a fun loving person but unfulfilled expectations can easily leave me feeling rejected, irritated and unbalanced.

You will be ready for a mate when you learn to enjoy being single. Is there some truth to that? I have not been in a serious relationship for quite a while but does that mean that I know how to be single or that I have learned how to be single?

The Rules

1. No flirting.

2. No texting.

3. No calling.

4. No dating.

5. No spending long periods of time thinking about the future Mr. ME and all things that come along with that i.e. wedding, babies, rings, houses, co-habitation etc.

I think that sounds reasonable and doable, so please stay tuned as I blog about my 2015 90-day Men Fast that will be running from 02.22.15-05.23.15.

Just a thought

Sometimes we break our own hearts by setting expectations for people who are unqualified or uninterested in meeting them. Stop breaking your own heart.

Dismissive

dismissive

[ disˈmisiv ]

ADJECTIVE

adjective: dismissive

feeling or showing that something is unworthy of consideration:

I have a tendency to be dismissive especially when it comes to matters of the heart. If I can not trust someone who is trying to date me to handle my heart, time, and energy with care; then I definitely can’t trust that same person to do right by me in terms of a friendship. My life is not a revolving door. I know what I want. I can’t afford to let people enter and exit at will. There were times in my early 20’s when I allowed men to have on again off again relationships with me. Being divorced and over 30 has definitely changed my perspective on things. I’ve learned that people will do what you allow them to do. If you allow them to put you on the back burner, they certainly will. If you allow them to make plans and reschedule them at the last minute, they most certainly will. If you let them waste your time, they will think that you have time in excess to waste. Life is too short to be unhappy. Find what you love and do more of that.

 

Guard your heart

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭4‬:‭23‬ NLT)

I am probably going to regret staying up so late but even my thoughts are rebellious. Sometimes my thoughts won’t let me sleep so in I go with my little iPad or one of my many journals. I often wonder how people who don’t write free their thoughts but that’s another blog for another time.

Guard your heart. Seems like a simple concept but what has presented a challenge for me is how to guard my heart without being cold hearted.
I really work hard to keep my love tank, think tank, spiritual and emotional tanks full. One way that I have been able to do that is by investing in things and people that bring much more happiness, joy and peace into my life. I eliminate or I minimize my interaction with those things or people that bring me outside my sanity, peace, or calmness. I prefer the middle and extremes in either direction ( extremely high highs or low lows) make me feel unbalanced. I desire to draw people into my calm but I will admit that there are times where people draw me into their storms.

Loving me means more than losing you. I’m at a point in life were I don’t have to prove anything and I feel that if there is someone who can’t or won’t see the value in who or what I am then they don’t deserve access to me, my life or to share in the privilege of friendship. Friendship is a privilege and its a title that I share with very few.

Guard your heart but don’t let it grow cold. For me it’s easier said then done but definitely something worth working toward.

Let’s chat. Please comment and if you have a suggestion on how to not grow cold I do hope that you will be inclined to share.

Gotta have it

You haven’t eaten all day. You notice you have exactly .65 in the bottom of your purse. You do a celebratory dance because you know that on a typical day your debit/ credit card gets a workout. The words “I don’t carry cash on me ” could be your life’s mantra. Surely the food stars are now aligned and all though you’ve been dieting : someone, some where , wants you to have that oh-so-chocolatey-peanutty goodness. You count your newly found treasure twice just to make sure your elementary math skills are still intact. Two quarters, one dime, plus one nickel is still sixty five cents. First quarter goes in. You hear it slide and tick.In goes the second quarter. Slide and tick. Dime is in. But that nickel, why must that nickel slide and drop right out of the change slot? Frustrated but still determined because one nickel and a yellow wrapper is the only thing standing between you and the oh-so-chocolatey-peanutty goodness. That Index finger pushes past that little black door. You fish out that nickel and decide to try it again. In slides the nickel. Slide and tic. You press the letter number combination, the little snack holder spins but doesn’t drop your oh-so-chocolatey-peanutty goodness. It looks so delicious just hanging there. Your stomach growls in anticipation and your cotton mouth suddenly starts to water. It’s stuck in limbo. You stand there stunned, hungry and snack less.
Well that’s the same feeling I have when I invest in the wrong relationship and things don’t quite work the way I planned in my mind. Reflecting on all the events leading up to my snack ( relationship that doesn’t lead to marriage ) I really wanted but I didn’t need it. Just a temporary distraction from the real issue ( intention and purpose) I’m focused on my snack temporarily forgetting that I haven’t ate all day.
I really wanted that oh-so-chocolatey-peanutty goodness.
Stunned, hungry and snack less.
I’m just a girl with a iPad but
Those M&Ms sure did look good…..

The camels back.

It’s never the heaviest straw,  or the straw that’s been carried the longest, but it’s always the last straw that broke the camel’s back.