Day 24 of the 90 day Men fast

Maybe I fall in love to easily.

Am I the last person on this planet who is finally enjoying the artist Gregory Porter?

He has this song titled I fall in love to easily.

I think he is speaking my life and writing the words that I have hidden in my heart and transformed them into a lovely melody, which I will never grow tired of hearing.

Here are the lyrics.

Enjoy

Gregory Porter – I Fall in Love Too Easily Lyrics
Artist: Gregory Porter

Album: Liquid Spirit

I fall in love too easily

I fall in love too fast
And I fall in love too terribly hard
For love to last

My heart should be well schooled
‘Cause I’ve been fooled
Oh I’ve been fooled by you in the past
I fall in love too easily
I fall in love too fast
I’m always on the run and I hate copy paste for god’s sake
I fall in love too easily
And I, I fall in love too fast
And I fall in love too terribly hard
For love to last

And I, I whose heart should be well schooled, well schooled
‘Cause I’ve been fooled, oh I’ve been fooled by you in the past
I fall in love too easily
I fall in love way too fast
Way too fast, way too fast, too fast

Day 23 of the 90 day men Fast

Day 23 of the 90 day Men Fast

I need to be sure that you are not going to retreat every time something doesn’t go your way.

I am far from perfect when it comes to dating and relationships. As I reflect on my past dealings with men, I realize that I have made decisions based out of fear. When we are making decisions based out of fear we are operating based on past experiences which may or may not relate to what is the current reality.

Urgency

What I fear most is wasting time. I dated my ex-husband on and off for about 10 years before we decided to get married and it’s no secret that end in divorce. I just don’t have the kind of time and energy to invest in something (a relationship) or someone and it not lead to happily ever after. I would rather spend that time towards things that I feel have more value.

Maybe one day I will run into someone who makes it feel as if time is standing still and then it won’t matter if a day, a month or a year passes.

 

Day 22 of the 90 day Men Fast

 

 

What if

Everything isn’t for everyone.

What if I don’t get married again?

What if I don’t get in a relationship again?

Will I be ok with that?

Maybe I don’t get a husband.

Maybe I get my children, some really good friends, expensive bottles of wine with names I can’t pronounce ,a  closet full of shoes, a array of headwraps and maybe a cat.

A black short-haired cat with green glowing eyes.

I would be content with that.

Traveling a little more and seeing sunsets and sunrises.

I really want to fill my life with joy, love, laughter, and light and those are the things that I can do with or without a mate.

After all it is the experiences and exchanges that make life worth the living.

 

 

Day 21 of the 90 day Men Fast

No more stolen goods – Part 2

Okay so yesterdays post was hard for me to post.

I never want to give people the impression that I am perfect because I know I am very far from that. But at the same time to just see the words

Well, I’ve stolen someone’s man before and in the past I have allowed men to cheat with me.

written out online for the whole world to see was a little bit surreal for me.

Was I still a believer when I was knee deep in doing my own thing? Living how I wanted to live? Doing what I wanted to do? Yes I was still a believer but my life was not reflective of those beliefs. My tree had no fruit.

Hebrews 4:13NIV

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Rather I discuss this further or continue with life as if those things were non existent I can never hide from God.

Period.

Point.

Blank.

What’s the lesson in all of this?

Here are a few that I would like to share:

  1. If someone wants to leave there is nothing you can do to make them stay.
  2. If someone wants to stay there is nothing you can do to make them leave.
  3. Transformation is real but make sure you surround yourself with people who help encourage your greatness and not those who remind you of your past or encourage the behavior that you are trying to correct.
  4. Making a bad decision does not make you a bad person. Live. Learn. Grow.
  5. Extend forgiveness even when it is not requested. Forgive yourself, forgive others.
  6. Don’t continue to operate out of a place of brokenness. Get healed. Get free.
  7. Take your time. Embrace your process and learn where you are in the process.

Day 20 of the 90 day Men Fast

No More Stolen Goods

 

On day 14 someone stole my wallet. I was at church when this happened. I am going to be completely honest here; I was upset, disappointed, hurt and confused. No one has come forward to admit that they stole my wallet. It was returned a few days later in the church mail slot but the almost $200.00 cash was missing.

I talked it over with one of my pinky promise sisters and she began to convict me and minster to me at the same time.

“How many times have we stolen from God?”

I had never given it much thought.

She continued. “We steal from God when we don’t pay our tithes and offering, or when we under pay them. We steal from God every time we misuse our time and resources. Each time we are ungrateful, hateful, mean, when we complain and also when we get an attitude. The list is endless.”

That conversation totally wrecked me. So how does this relate to the 90 day men fast? Well, I’ve stolen someone’s man before and in the past I have allowed men to cheat with me. Some times knowingly and other times unknowingly. I always rationalized it by saying, I am not married. I am not the one breaking my vows. I am not the one stepping outside of my arrangement, but when we allow things to happen that we know are not right, we play a part in the deception as well. I’ve learned that we can not always control others but we can always control our self, and our own actions and reactions.

I don’t know how many times I have stolen from God but I do know that he has shown me grace, mercy and forgiveness more times than I can ever count. I don’t know if I will ever know who took my wallet, but sometimes you have to extend forgiveness to people even if they don’t ask for it.

I know that there are some areas of my life that I can exercise a little more forgiveness. I also know that there are some areas I can ask for God’s forgiveness as well.

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matt 6:14-15 NIV

No more stolen goods.

Day 19 of the 90 day Men Fast

Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone

The above lines are snippets from one of my favorite poems Alone by Maya Angelou.

Friday nights are always the hardest. The week is over. The weekend is officially here. I’ve worked hard all week and I feel entitled to treat myself to something. Fridays always make great date nights because I can sleep in on Saturday and still have time to relax. I know that with Sunday comes church so I usually take it easy on Saturday’s and I plan nothing aside from church and prepping for the coming week on Sunday.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone

No one can make it out here alone, it speaks to connectedness. For some reason I thought that the longer I was on the men fast, the more I spent time with God, the more I fasted, the more I prayed, the more I read my bible the more that I abstained the less I would desire the feeling of being connected to someone. Not just in a sexual way.

Connectedness.

Having someone to pray for, talk to, check on, cook for, hang out with, have conversations with. Connectedness in a way that says I’m good, I hope you are good too. Those things are all fine if you are connected to the right things, and experiencing those things with the right person.

GOD’S WORD® Translation
Stop forming inappropriate relationships with unbelievers. Can right and wrong be partners? Can light have anything in common with darkness?

2 Cor 6:14

Day 18 of the 90 day Men fast

Date with my little people

Today I took my little people on a date to see a stage play about bullying. It was a great event. I am so happy that they are interested in the arts at such a early age ( 6 and 7).

I do the same preparation when I go on a date with my little people as if I was going out on a date with a guy. I let them choose my clothes. They picked a black shirt, jeans and flats. Then I completed my outfit with my head wrap, earrings, and make-up. My children did not sit with me. They saw some friends from school and decided to sit with them . I thought I had a few more years of mommy time. We hung out until 10:30 pm on a school night and I enjoyed every minute of it.

 
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