He makes me feel like a ignited sparkler.
Glowing bright and throwing sparks everywhere, but quickly fizzing out.
Although our interaction was brief it was much needed in my life.
We had great thought provoking conversations that grew me on a personal and spiritual level. I wrote out my personal mission statement. I was able to get some very good book recommendations, write a poem, and pick up blogging again. But most of all I was able to face my fear of rejection and tell him that I had a crush on him.
I am not sure what the future holds but I am living life and considering things in a different way.
One night after a particularly rough day, I found myself looking in the bathroom mirror, after a long hot bath. No make-up on just a towel, droplets of water on my décolletage, steam on the bathroom mirror. One tear slid slowly down my cheek. Still unsure if it was the emotions of the day or the realization that I did not see myself the way that God sees me.
Two things happened that night. I prayed and I cried. I cried and I prayed. I really wanted to see myself the way God sees me. I really desired to know him more, in a deeper way, and to acquire more understanding. I did not realize it at the time but He knows the desires of my heart.
On my birthday, April 24th I was contacted by a photographer to do a session. I should have known it would be a life changing experience because everything that could go wrong that weekend leading up to the photo session went wrong. It was a early, chilly, brisk but sunny morning. I showed up in a ho hum mood, and with feelings of inadequacy. In no time the camera was snapping, I was taking direction from the photographer, and it turned out to be a great photo session.
The pictures captured my true essence and a peaceful elegance that I have not seen in quite a while. In those early morning moments I connected with nature, my photographer and with God ( the goddess) within. That session also solidified my friendship with my photographer and a business relationship was formed. Finally I was able to see myself as God sees me. Peaceful. Elegant. A overcomer. Beautiful and existing in a space that was created just for me.
The guy that I have been crushing on for over two years is on his way to meet me at Starbucks.
Quite a few things have happened since I met and had a conversation with him back during the first quarter of 2015, but this blog is not about that. Aside from a slew of disappointing encounters ( update blog forthcoming) and a flame for ” The Guy” that just wont burn out, nothing was stopping me from reaching out to ” The Crush”. One night he liked a picture on my Instagram and I immediately posted a Bitmoji with the caption OMG my crush just liked my picture, then deleted it about a hour later. I am just a girl with a crush that is scared of rejection and maybe a little apprehensive about coming on to strong to say something.
One sunny Sunday afternoon I slid into his Facebook DM’s and told him that I missed his posts that he used to post on Sundays. That lead to a cool conversation which eventually lead to him meeting me today at Starbucks.
I swear it was like the day before the first day of school. I woke up early, did my makeup and conjured up all of my black girl magic and headed to Starbucks. I arrived first, ordered and grabbed a seat outside. I am sure that time stopped and everything moved in slow motion ( like in the movies) for at least 4.5 seconds. My heart was beating so fast and loud. I told myself I was too grown to be acting like a nervous school girl and to calm down and breathe. I can not remember the last time a man looked me in my eyes and walked so confidently towards me and demanded my attention like that. I am willing to bet that his zodiac sign is a Leo. I was a captivated and willing audience of one letting him control the conversation. I sat right leg crossed over left , with my elbow on the table and my fist under my chin listening intently, and responding when necessary. His chocolate skin, conversation, and five o’clock shadow with a little salt and pepper in it was distracting me ( in a good way) and all of the cleaver things that I wanted to say would not make it from my head down to my mouth.
My day started off with smiles, Starbucks, a great conversation and even a couple of book recommendations. It could be something or it could be nothing at all. He said he would like to read some of my work so maybe one day I will give him the link to this post. I wonder if he will know this is about him? For now I am still smiling that goofy, toothy, corny smile, and spinning around in my chair at work saying I had breakfast with my crush in that quiet sing song way. Today was a good day.
What is sauce?
Sauce is used to describe someone who has style, grace, confidence, a magnetic smile. Someone who is considered attractive and generally described to others as out of their league. People think that a woman with a lot of sauce can have their pick when it comes to dating and dating prospects.
Well I consider myself sauceless in the city because I keep coming up short in the men, slash dating, slash relationship, slash meeting people department. Over the years I have tried Tinder, letting friends hook me up, mixers ( remember the guy) , Facebook and even meeting people face to face but seemingly all roads lead to Singleville.
I’m sauceless in the city and this is my story.