I haven’t been blogging for selfish reasons. I’ve been putting my thoughts in my journal instead. I know both ” The Guy” and ” Mr. Creativity” peek in on this space from time to time so I intentionally took a break. Which is part of the reason I am at home on a perfect kid-free Saturday.
I wanted to go to a event tonight but I knew there would be a chance that I would run into ” The Guy” so I decided not to go. We didn’t part on bad terms (details forth-coming) but since we’ve parted ways I haven’t returned any of his calls or texts.
My grand father died and no one hugged me except some old lady at work who smells like moth balls. Her condolences were real and heart felt. I feel she really is going to pray for my family and not just say that she will because of formality. I called my birth dad to let him know about the death because rumor has it he kept in touch with granddaddy over the years. This man offered up no condolences just said my car insurance agent is about to call let me call you back. I am grateful for inner resolve and inner strength because I really only have myself to depend on. Everyone is far to busy, far to self absorbed. Maybe people assume I’m always ok because I do my process behind the scene. I wasn’t super close with him, but my sadness and grief comes from seeing my mom go through the process. I haven’t lost a parent to death and I can’t imagine what that feels like. Death certainly brings out people’s true colors and it’s been hard for me to sit back and watch things unfold. I’m glad his suffering is over. This has been a long process and I am looking forward to having my mom back. Working during the day, spending nights at the hospital, making final arrangements, back to back phone calls, it’s been quite the process and it seems as if I watched my mom age 5 years in the last few weeks.
Since the last time I blogged many things have happened in my life. I started my new position at work. I finished the man fast. Went separate ways with ” The Guy”. My sister came home from college. My daughter graduated from kindergarten and both children are out of school for the summer. My lease is up in August, and I’ve been looking for places. “Mr.Creativity” is on the run again ( the last time we were out of contact 7 years). Grandfather died and so much more.
We all go through things. Will you let those things break you or build you? Will you learn the lesson or keep repeating the same mistakes?
I’ve declared that this will be the summer of fun and although I’m off to a bit of a rough start I can’t wait to experience some new things.