Transparency Moment: 2017 has been the hardest year of my life. ( 2009 was a close second) 2017 came along with residual damage from 2016. Dealing, with 3 major losses and by February I knew I was heading down a deep dark path. What’s worse – People pretending to be your friend while looking at you sympathetically, offering empty words of encouragement they don’t even believe, then talking about you behind your back and in your face. ( family too) waiting to cheer your demise. Or pretending to have it all together on the outside while secretly dying a thousand tiny deaths everyday? Anti depressants couldn’t save me, the will to live didn’t entice me, prayers didn’t reach me, food and alcohol didn’t comfort me. I allowed men and one sided friendships take advantage of me. Life left me with more questions then answers. On 9.8.17 I went to seeking a word and left renewed. A sweet voice saying daughter you shall live and not die and in that moment I knew I would never be the same. Saturday came along with a message to Bling. Sundays message Godly interruptions was icing on the cake. This week has been hard but oh so worth it. I’m coming out on the other side. A warrior goddess, more confident than ever, the great Phoenix rising. My anger and disappointment fuel my will to live. My smile lights my path. My bitterness was for my betterment.
Please welcome guest blogger ConsistentlyCaffeinated. I began following ConsistentlyCaffeinated for her Accutane updates. I love how candid she is in her writing and she never under estimates the use of a well placed expletive. Her blog is full of personality and she seems like the type of person I could have a fun chit chat with while standing in the line at Starbucks. Please check out her blog at http://consistentlycaffeinated.wordpress.com/
Depending on your age definition of adult, I am still very new to it. I am only 21, but I would like to think I have at least a pinch of wisdom. I believe I am single for two major reasons.
Number one: ‘The first cut is the deepest.’ I fell in love, and then it got messy, and then it ended. I am a firm believer that learning from our past but also letting it go is the only way to grow…and yet I am terrible at it. My inability to let go of past events puts a filter on everything I do, especially on trying to meet new people. I am so afraid of making the same mistakes that I am paralyzed to take any actions at all.
I also think that, as a young woman, I am struggling with unreal expectations. The media surrounds us with romance that is always so magical: the man who understands you, the instant connection in a bar, or the friendship that develops into something amazing. Growing up I romanticized romance; once I experienced its complexities, I was shocked at how hard it is. You have to completely accept the possibility of hurting someone else or being hurt yourself, which is something impossible to understand until it happens. Dating is difficult, emotional, and very un-magical at times (but AMAZING when it does work out).
I know this all sounds completely pessimistic. Honestly though, I think it is very positive to acknowledge where our issues are and the unreal expectations so we can see what is real and what we want. I think no matter how old we are, we never truly know what we want until we find it. The end result is only a tiny fraction of the journey, and I think being single is a really important part of the process because you learn so much more. I am single because I don’t know what I want, I am scared to find what I want, and I am still nursing old wounds. Nevertheless, I have plenty of faith that when I am ready to not be single, I won’t be.
Have you ever had a friend that comes in your life and touches your soul? You know you will be friends forever regardless of how frequent or infrequent the interactions are kindred spirits. That person for me is TashaNicole. Whenever I think of the evolution of a woman I can’t help but to think of her. She’s been though a lot but still standing. I am so happy that she agreed to guest blog on this subject for me. I am sure you will enjoy this post as much as I have and please check out her blog Coffee Thoughts of a SunKissed Dream at http://asunkisseddream.blogspot.com/
Why I’m Still Single
This is the perfect question that allows one to point the finger instead of accepting responsibility. It would be easy for me to say I’m single because there are no good men. But let’s be honest, there are quite a few good men left in the world. I could say I’m single because I’m focused on my career and don’t have time for a relationship. That too would be a lie. No one is EVER too busy to share their life with someone. You make time for those who are important and you don’t if they aren’t. Another one of my favorite responses to this question is “I’m doing me”. Really? What exactly are you doing that is so important that you can’t be bothered with love? I don’t know why you’re single, but I believe the reason why I’m single is because God is preparing us. Yes, us as in me and him.
Like you, I hate dating. I hate meeting new people. It is so time consuming to learn someone new. It seems all too often I get my hopes up about someone, only to have them let down before I can even blink. There have been a many of nights where I have cried because of the vicious cycle I seem to be in. Then one day someone said learn during your season of singleness. I didn’t know what she meant until I invited God into my season. What I realized is that I needed God to heal my broken heart. A man was not the answers to my prayer. God is. So one night I got on my knees and I cried. I cried to Him about my hurts, disappointments, regrets and grief. I talked to Him as if He was right next to me. I let him know that I was angry and sorry. I begged Him to remove all the toxic emotions that I had become addicted to. I asked him to help heal my heart, my spirit and my mind. Not only for me, but for the man I knew he was going to bless me with one day. That man deserved someone whole not in a million pieces. After that night, I begin to reflect on my previous encounters with men and started to see them differently. I started to see my faults and how I could have better handled situations. I begin to learn and see in my season of singleness.
I truly believe that God has someone special in store for me, and when he’s ready for us to meet it will be kismet. Until then, however, I will continue to learn and build a relationship with God. The word I keep getting in my spirit is “Not yet” which doesn’t mean “Never”. I have faith that if He’s working on me, He’s working on him too.
Peace, love and blessings TashaNicole
Please welcome my first guest blogger, Renita.
What a honor to have this self published, fly, fierce single woman writing on my blog.
Please follow her blog at http://www.wordsbywritemind.com/apps/blog/
Her book can be purchased here through Amazon
What a great post and I thank you for inviting me to guest blog…. here are my thoughts: I believe the main reason I am single is because God isn’t ready for me to take that next step. There are days when I have my moments. Sometimes I want to be single and sometimes I want to be in a relationship. Depends on the day and where I’m at in life. I am 29, single with no children. I like you have my own social life, a job, my own home, a car and working on making my writing career an empire. I have everything and can bring so much to a relationship. I believe I’m ready to make that next step and being in a relationship. However, God may be thinking there’s probably something else in my life that I may have to get in order before he brings me my king. I’m single because I’m learning to follow God’s lead and not my own. I want nothing more than to have a family. But I think He’s still preparing me and whoever he hand picked to be my mate. I would rather live my single life and patiently wait for the right man to find me than for me to rush into something that was not God’s will. ~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?
Why are you still single ?
This is a question that I have been asked frequently and one that I try to avoid at all costs. I notice that my male friends don’t get asked this question half as much as my female friends. It makes me feel some kind of way (for lack of a better word) that society and people in general place negative connotations on being a single female. While I can not speak for every single female for myself at this point in my life being in a relationship has no appeal to me. I all ready have 2 beautiful kids, a vivacious 17 year old sister, I pay all of my own bills, and as far as a social life I have close knit, well cultured, girlfriends and a family and church family that keep me laughing. Working out, clearing this skin and picking scrapbooking back up along with just living life keeps me busy all the time. My ex-boyfriend is always there in those cases where a male presence is needed ( i.e. I need something heavy lifted or picked up, I need a plus one to a social event, I want to see a “ couples movie” , I want someone to work out with) and my P.I.C (Partner In Christ) is always there with sound advise, prayer and he laughs at all my jokes. My life is pretty happy and fulfilled and I am glad that I have learned to be content with where life has me right now.
Why am I still single?
My answer will always vary depending on how it was asked and from what place I feel it is coming from. I can go straight biblical and say a man that finds a wife finds a good thing. It didn’t require me to do the looking. I can say I have been busy chasing dreams; I don’t have time to chase after a man. I can reply Single? I’m married to the money. (LOL ) or I can say I divorced , and fresh out of a long term commitment I am not interested in a relationship.
I am a good woman. I know what I am bringing to the table, but too often people are more interested in relations or a relationship but skip the whole friendship t is the foundation of any lasting relationship.
I know that when the right person comes along he will fit right into my life at whatever point I am in life. He will flow right where I am. His presence will make me a better person and compliment my life and my presence will do the same. We will be so busy having fun and living life that when we wake up one day and accept that we have feelings for each other it will only make sense that we wouldn’t want to live life without each other. It will be organic. It will just happen. It will not be forced. At that point, being in a relationship will be more appealing then being single and at that point I will gladly change my last name and start working on building that happily ever after but until then I will continue being single and content.
I will have my fly, fierce single girlfriends writing and guest blogging on the same topic “Why am I still single” so please keep an eye out for it. If you are interested in writing on my blog about this topic please let me know.