Full Moon – An Ode to The Guy 

I miss him. Especially on nights like tonight when there’s a chill in the air and the moon is big and full in the dark, foggy,  sky.  He had a fascination with the moon and over time I began to see the moon with great admiration as well. On nights like tonight we would chat about how the same robust, round moon could be viewed all over the world. We would create the most tender, delicate, sexual energy on these types of nights and end up in each others arms with the moon peeking ever so gently through the blinds.  He would lay on his back, while I lay on my side, my head resting on his chest, my leg draped over both of his. I dozed off so many times in those peaceful, still hours just before dawn, listening to the slow beat of his heart.

Just as the moon sits in the sky, “ The Guy” sis in my heart. Like the moon peeks through the blinds he peeks though my thoughts from time to time. The words I love you never slipped from my lips to his ears or from his lips to my ears but maybe like the moon it’s always been there existing and on nights like this I hope he’s thinking of me too.

An Ode to The Guy because all endings aren’t happy. 




[ disˈmisiv ]


adjective: dismissive

feeling or showing that something is unworthy of consideration:

I have a tendency to be dismissive especially when it comes to matters of the heart. If I can not trust someone who is trying to date me to handle my heart, time, and energy with care; then I definitely can’t trust that same person to do right by me in terms of a friendship. My life is not a revolving door. I know what I want. I can’t afford to let people enter and exit at will. There were times in my early 20’s when I allowed men to have on again off again relationships with me. Being divorced and over 30 has definitely changed my perspective on things. I’ve learned that people will do what you allow them to do. If you allow them to put you on the back burner, they certainly will. If you allow them to make plans and reschedule them at the last minute, they most certainly will. If you let them waste your time, they will think that you have time in excess to waste. Life is too short to be unhappy. Find what you love and do more of that.


Guard your heart

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭4‬:‭23‬ NLT)

I am probably going to regret staying up so late but even my thoughts are rebellious. Sometimes my thoughts won’t let me sleep so in I go with my little iPad or one of my many journals. I often wonder how people who don’t write free their thoughts but that’s another blog for another time.

Guard your heart. Seems like a simple concept but what has presented a challenge for me is how to guard my heart without being cold hearted.
I really work hard to keep my love tank, think tank, spiritual and emotional tanks full. One way that I have been able to do that is by investing in things and people that bring much more happiness, joy and peace into my life. I eliminate or I minimize my interaction with those things or people that bring me outside my sanity, peace, or calmness. I prefer the middle and extremes in either direction ( extremely high highs or low lows) make me feel unbalanced. I desire to draw people into my calm but I will admit that there are times where people draw me into their storms.

Loving me means more than losing you. I’m at a point in life were I don’t have to prove anything and I feel that if there is someone who can’t or won’t see the value in who or what I am then they don’t deserve access to me, my life or to share in the privilege of friendship. Friendship is a privilege and its a title that I share with very few.

Guard your heart but don’t let it grow cold. For me it’s easier said then done but definitely something worth working toward.

Let’s chat. Please comment and if you have a suggestion on how to not grow cold I do hope that you will be inclined to share.

I want more than you can give

The clock reads 4:54 am. Such a early time. It’s quiet, dark, cold, eerie , still at this time of morning. No moon to provide light in darkness. The sun has yet to rise. No cars zipping noisily up the street crunching snow beneath their tires. Welcoming silence that allows my thoughts to speak loudly or the stillness of the morning coerced me to wake. I’m awake. Wide awake with thoughts that won’t allow contentment until they are out of my mind and resting comfortably between the pages of my journal or until they are keyed by iPad awaiting their internet debut.
How can I be so sure? Subsequent days at this pre five am hour. I’ve prayed, read the bible and meditated still the words I want more than you can give lend a strong presence in my current thought process. The slight stickiness under my neck reminds me that I was bothered at some point during the night and I cried those long hot tears while laying on my back. The kind of tears that gather at the base of my neck. I remember tears sliding from my face and vanishing amongst the darkness into my bedsheets and pillow as I rolled over to my side. My face feels puffy and I don’t need a mirror to know it bears remnants of tear streaks.
I want more than you can give . If I want more than what the other person can give it doesn’t make either of us bad people. It does however create more problems than solutions. Timing is everything.

The Dating Rules have changed

The Dating Rules have changed

In my opinion the dating and courting rules have changed. I don’t know when they changed or how or why they did but there are dating rules and unspoken expectations that can leave any dater feeling clueless and confused. I have decided to do a he said she said series based on relationships and dating on my blog. I will do a monthly question and then have answers from both males and females. I have some really opinionated, tell it like it is, friends and I am grateful that they have agreed to lend my blog their thoughts and views on dating.

For the first question I have four males on the he said side. I have four females on the she said side and my commentary and thoughts will be sprinkled through out. I have given everyone monikers so they can feel free to speak open and liberally about whatever question is asked. Listed below are the monikers, age, and current dating description (single, married, involved, dating, etc.) of each contributor to this months question.

 ” THE TRUTH” – 32, never married, currently dating

” THE MANAGER” – 35, divorced, currently dating

” THE LIGHT” – 37, never married, currently involved

” THE PARTY” – 41, never married, currently single

 For the females we have

” THE FACILATOR” – 41, never married, currently single

” THE LOVER ” – 34, never married, currently involved

“THE SOUL” – 36, divorced, currently involved

” THE LIONESS” -29, never married, currently single

And myself

” THE MOCHALOVEGODDESS” 33, divorced, currently single


This months question is “When dating, who should pay?”

Look for the answers on 07/21/2014 in a blog entitled – The Dating Rules have changed”

In the meatime take the poll below.