06.15.2017- Photo session reflections

One night after a particularly rough day, I found myself looking in the bathroom mirror, after a long hot bath. No make-up on just a towel, droplets of water on my décolletage, steam on the bathroom mirror. One tear slid slowly down my cheek. Still unsure if it was the emotions of the day or the realization that I did not see myself the way that God sees me.

Two things happened that night. I prayed and I cried. I cried and I prayed. I really wanted to see myself the way God sees me. I really desired to know him more, in a deeper way, and  to acquire more understanding.  I did not realize it at the time but He knows the desires of my heart.

On my birthday, April 24th I was contacted by a photographer to do a session. I should have known it would be a life changing experience because everything that could go wrong that weekend leading up to the photo session  went wrong. It was a early, chilly, brisk but sunny morning. I showed up in a ho hum mood, and with feelings of inadequacy. In no time the camera was snapping, I was taking direction from the photographer, and it turned out to be a great photo session.

The pictures captured my true essence and a peaceful elegance that I have not seen in quite a while. In those early morning moments I connected with nature, my photographer and with God ( the goddess) within. That session also solidified my friendship with my photographer and a business relationship was formed. Finally I was able to see myself as God sees me. Peaceful. Elegant. A overcomer. Beautiful and existing in a space that was created just for me.

 

Stretch. I bend but don’t break!

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Stretch means that you bend but don’t break. I was carrying 150 pounds, on a 5’5 frame, fitting snuggly into a size 10 jean. Life was very good for me, and I had very high self esteem. I was curvy and blessed with the “coke a cola bottle” shape. I received the family blessing/ curse of a large chest and I probably noticed faint white stretch marks on the apples of my breast around age 20. Eight years later I added 70 pounds courtesy of being pregnant and that’s when I noticed stretch marks on my hips, and lower back.They were abundant all over my growing belly. I began a weight loss journey at 202 pounds. I used to hate my stretch marks but now I love looking at them. They are little reminders that I have been through things with my body that has allowed me to bend but not break. My body is quite resilient. It has been though weight gain and weight loss, 2 cesareans, a major surgery, bra sizes from 32 DD up to a 36 GG and everything in between, a size 2 up to a size 22 and has been described as everything from skinny, little, just right, thick, and fat.  I am healthy. I am strong. I am not on any medications. I continue to be amazed at how good I feel when I am eating right and working out.  I am strong. I am resilient. I stretch because I bend and don’t break.