06.15.2017- Photo session reflections

One night after a particularly rough day, I found myself looking in the bathroom mirror, after a long hot bath. No make-up on just a towel, droplets of water on my décolletage, steam on the bathroom mirror. One tear slid slowly down my cheek. Still unsure if it was the emotions of the day or the realization that I did not see myself the way that God sees me.

Two things happened that night. I prayed and I cried. I cried and I prayed. I really wanted to see myself the way God sees me. I really desired to know him more, in a deeper way, and  to acquire more understanding.  I did not realize it at the time but He knows the desires of my heart.

On my birthday, April 24th I was contacted by a photographer to do a session. I should have known it would be a life changing experience because everything that could go wrong that weekend leading up to the photo session  went wrong. It was a early, chilly, brisk but sunny morning. I showed up in a ho hum mood, and with feelings of inadequacy. In no time the camera was snapping, I was taking direction from the photographer, and it turned out to be a great photo session.

The pictures captured my true essence and a peaceful elegance that I have not seen in quite a while. In those early morning moments I connected with nature, my photographer and with God ( the goddess) within. That session also solidified my friendship with my photographer and a business relationship was formed. Finally I was able to see myself as God sees me. Peaceful. Elegant. A overcomer. Beautiful and existing in a space that was created just for me.

 

What do you do?

In general I am a outgoing person. What most people don’t know is I am extremely nervous around people I don’t know. I’m talking – OH my goodness I hope I don’t have a panic attack- please don’t let me trip or fall down- is there a booger in my nose- I can’t breathe- I hope I don’t say anything dumb- my hands are sweating- I hope my deodorant doesn’t stop working – nervous, nervous.
It never fails, some one is bound to ask. What do you do? My 9-5 is a customer service representative. A necessary job (all though with advancing technology and outsourcing it’s gradually becoming obsolete) but not a lifelong, I’m changing the world kind of career. You don’t have to be the brightest, most intelligent, or even the most friendly these days to be a customer service representative. It’s not what I aspired to do. I just fell into it and I’m very good at it. How long will I be in this line of work? Something I’m really good at but doesn’t challenge me or give me that warm , fuzzy feeling. I’m so tired of living below my potential. I am going to put some real thought into what I want to do and one day I will be proud of the answer to that unavoidable question What do you do?