One night after a particularly rough day, I found myself looking in the bathroom mirror, after a long hot bath. No make-up on just a towel, droplets of water on my décolletage, steam on the bathroom mirror. One tear slid slowly down my cheek. Still unsure if it was the emotions of the day or the realization that I did not see myself the way that God sees me.
Two things happened that night. I prayed and I cried. I cried and I prayed. I really wanted to see myself the way God sees me. I really desired to know him more, in a deeper way, and to acquire more understanding. I did not realize it at the time but He knows the desires of my heart.
On my birthday, April 24th I was contacted by a photographer to do a session. I should have known it would be a life changing experience because everything that could go wrong that weekend leading up to the photo session went wrong. It was a early, chilly, brisk but sunny morning. I showed up in a ho hum mood, and with feelings of inadequacy. In no time the camera was snapping, I was taking direction from the photographer, and it turned out to be a great photo session.
The pictures captured my true essence and a peaceful elegance that I have not seen in quite a while. In those early morning moments I connected with nature, my photographer and with God ( the goddess) within. That session also solidified my friendship with my photographer and a business relationship was formed. Finally I was able to see myself as God sees me. Peaceful. Elegant. A overcomer. Beautiful and existing in a space that was created just for me.
Have you ever had a friend that comes in your life and touches your soul? You know you will be friends forever regardless of how frequent or infrequent the interactions are kindred spirits. That person for me is TashaNicole. Whenever I think of the evolution of a woman I can’t help but to think of her. She’s been though a lot but still standing. I am so happy that she agreed to guest blog on this subject for me. I am sure you will enjoy this post as much as I have and please check out her blog Coffee Thoughts of a SunKissed Dream at http://asunkisseddream.blogspot.com/
Why I’m Still Single
This is the perfect question that allows one to point the finger instead of accepting responsibility. It would be easy for me to say I’m single because there are no good men. But let’s be honest, there are quite a few good men left in the world. I could say I’m single because I’m focused on my career and don’t have time for a relationship. That too would be a lie. No one is EVER too busy to share their life with someone. You make time for those who are important and you don’t if they aren’t. Another one of my favorite responses to this question is “I’m doing me”. Really? What exactly are you doing that is so important that you can’t be bothered with love? I don’t know why you’re single, but I believe the reason why I’m single is because God is preparing us. Yes, us as in me and him.
Like you, I hate dating. I hate meeting new people. It is so time consuming to learn someone new. It seems all too often I get my hopes up about someone, only to have them let down before I can even blink. There have been a many of nights where I have cried because of the vicious cycle I seem to be in. Then one day someone said learn during your season of singleness. I didn’t know what she meant until I invited God into my season. What I realized is that I needed God to heal my broken heart. A man was not the answers to my prayer. God is. So one night I got on my knees and I cried. I cried to Him about my hurts, disappointments, regrets and grief. I talked to Him as if He was right next to me. I let him know that I was angry and sorry. I begged Him to remove all the toxic emotions that I had become addicted to. I asked him to help heal my heart, my spirit and my mind. Not only for me, but for the man I knew he was going to bless me with one day. That man deserved someone whole not in a million pieces. After that night, I begin to reflect on my previous encounters with men and started to see them differently. I started to see my faults and how I could have better handled situations. I begin to learn and see in my season of singleness.
I truly believe that God has someone special in store for me, and when he’s ready for us to meet it will be kismet. Until then, however, I will continue to learn and build a relationship with God. The word I keep getting in my spirit is “Not yet” which doesn’t mean “Never”. I have faith that if He’s working on me, He’s working on him too.
Peace, love and blessings TashaNicole