He makes me feel like a ignited sparkler.
Glowing bright and throwing sparks everywhere, but quickly fizzing out.
Although our interaction was brief it was much needed in my life.
We had great thought provoking conversations that grew me on a personal and spiritual level. I wrote out my personal mission statement. I was able to get some very good book recommendations, write a poem, and pick up blogging again. But most of all I was able to face my fear of rejection and tell him that I had a crush on him.
I am not sure what the future holds but I am living life and considering things in a different way.
The guy that I have been crushing on for over two years is on his way to meet me at Starbucks.
Quite a few things have happened since I met and had a conversation with him back during the first quarter of 2015, but this blog is not about that. Aside from a slew of disappointing encounters ( update blog forthcoming) and a flame for ” The Guy” that just wont burn out, nothing was stopping me from reaching out to ” The Crush”. One night he liked a picture on my Instagram and I immediately posted a Bitmoji with the caption OMG my crush just liked my picture, then deleted it about a hour later. I am just a girl with a crush that is scared of rejection and maybe a little apprehensive about coming on to strong to say something.
One sunny Sunday afternoon I slid into his Facebook DM’s and told him that I missed his posts that he used to post on Sundays. That lead to a cool conversation which eventually lead to him meeting me today at Starbucks.
I swear it was like the day before the first day of school. I woke up early, did my makeup and conjured up all of my black girl magic and headed to Starbucks. I arrived first, ordered and grabbed a seat outside. I am sure that time stopped and everything moved in slow motion ( like in the movies) for at least 4.5 seconds. My heart was beating so fast and loud. I told myself I was too grown to be acting like a nervous school girl and to calm down and breathe. I can not remember the last time a man looked me in my eyes and walked so confidently towards me and demanded my attention like that. I am willing to bet that his zodiac sign is a Leo. I was a captivated and willing audience of one letting him control the conversation. I sat right leg crossed over left , with my elbow on the table and my fist under my chin listening intently, and responding when necessary. His chocolate skin, conversation, and five o’clock shadow with a little salt and pepper in it was distracting me ( in a good way) and all of the cleaver things that I wanted to say would not make it from my head down to my mouth.
My day started off with smiles, Starbucks, a great conversation and even a couple of book recommendations. It could be something or it could be nothing at all. He said he would like to read some of my work so maybe one day I will give him the link to this post. I wonder if he will know this is about him? For now I am still smiling that goofy, toothy, corny smile, and spinning around in my chair at work saying I had breakfast with my crush in that quiet sing song way. Today was a good day.
What is sauce?
Sauce is used to describe someone who has style, grace, confidence, a magnetic smile. Someone who is considered attractive and generally described to others as out of their league. People think that a woman with a lot of sauce can have their pick when it comes to dating and dating prospects.
Well I consider myself sauceless in the city because I keep coming up short in the men, slash dating, slash relationship, slash meeting people department. Over the years I have tried Tinder, letting friends hook me up, mixers ( remember the guy) , Facebook and even meeting people face to face but seemingly all roads lead to Singleville.
I’m sauceless in the city and this is my story.
Date with my little people
Today I took my little people on a date to see a stage play about bullying. It was a great event. I am so happy that they are interested in the arts at such a early age ( 6 and 7).
I do the same preparation when I go on a date with my little people as if I was going out on a date with a guy. I let them choose my clothes. They picked a black shirt, jeans and flats. Then I completed my outfit with my head wrap, earrings, and make-up. My children did not sit with me. They saw some friends from school and decided to sit with them . I thought I had a few more years of mommy time. We hung out until 10:30 pm on a school night and I enjoyed every minute of it.
Spring is nearly here.
I am looking forward to spring cleaning. Packing up winter clothes, getting rid of the things I don’t need and just a nice clean, open, organized space.
Today I took myself to get a manicure and pedicure.
I don’t have to be in a relationship or have anyone to impress. I like to look good and feel good for myself. Love yourself.
Psalms 139: 14 I will praise thee, for I am fearfully, wonderfully made.
I don’t owe you anything!
“I see that you have changed your number.”
“Yes that is true.”
“Can I have your number?”
“You have my Google number.”
“I want your real number.”
“Why can’t I have your real number?”
“The last time you had my real number you were not responsible. Because of your carelessness someone started texting and calling me that I didn’t want to speak with. Actually I don’t owe you an explanation. I said no and that should be the end of it.”
Defeated he walked away.
It is okay to say no to unnecessary Crazy. Maybe I could have been a little nicer in my delivery? I am just tired of people thinking that you owe them something and I needed to be direct.
This fast is about so much more than fasting from men. It’s about focus, intention, and reclaiming my peace, joy and happiness. Some times ” NO” is a part of the process.
I’ll be there
Today I was unable to go to the appointment with my best friend. Monday’s are always busy in the customer service world so I couldn’t get off. It was a MRI and unfortunately they believe the cancer may be have spread. I prayed for her this morning and I told her regardless if it’s a lot of cancer or a little bit of cancer it has got to go. There is nothing more heart breaking than watching someone you know go through something painful and you can’t do anything to alleviate the pain.
The great thing about this men fast is that I am able to use my free time to do other things. I have more than enough time to take myself on dates, pray, mediatate, check on my family and friends, study, and just enjoy life.