I miss him. Especially on nights like tonight when there’s a chill in the air and the moon is big and full in the dark, foggy, sky. He had a fascination with the moon and over time I began to see the moon with great admiration as well. On nights like tonight we would chat about how the same robust, round moon could be viewed all over the world. We would create the most tender, delicate, sexual energy on these types of nights and end up in each others arms with the moon peeking ever so gently through the blinds. He would lay on his back, while I lay on my side, my head resting on his chest, my leg draped over both of his. I dozed off so many times in those peaceful, still hours just before dawn, listening to the slow beat of his heart.
Just as the moon sits in the sky, “ The Guy” sis in my heart. Like the moon peeks through the blinds he peeks though my thoughts from time to time. The words I love you never slipped from my lips to his ears or from his lips to my ears but maybe like the moon it’s always been there existing and on nights like this I hope he’s thinking of me too.
An Ode to The Guy because all endings aren’t happy.
[ disˈmisiv ]
feeling or showing that something is unworthy of consideration:
I have a tendency to be dismissive especially when it comes to matters of the heart. If I can not trust someone who is trying to date me to handle my heart, time, and energy with care; then I definitely can’t trust that same person to do right by me in terms of a friendship. My life is not a revolving door. I know what I want. I can’t afford to let people enter and exit at will. There were times in my early 20’s when I allowed men to have on again off again relationships with me. Being divorced and over 30 has definitely changed my perspective on things. I’ve learned that people will do what you allow them to do. If you allow them to put you on the back burner, they certainly will. If you allow them to make plans and reschedule them at the last minute, they most certainly will. If you let them waste your time, they will think that you have time in excess to waste. Life is too short to be unhappy. Find what you love and do more of that.
During a conversation with my mom she said, “Always follow your heart. It will lead you to the one who brings you closer to your peace.” My moms’ infamous 2 liners always resonate with me, and give me something to ponder. When I think about my last two very serious relationships (the one with my ex husband, and the most recent relationship I got out of) they didn’t lead me closer to my peace. With my ex husband initially when we met I was his peace, his escape, his bridge between his current situation and his future. While I know what I was to him, I can’t say that he helped bring me closer to my peace. In fact towards the end of that relationship I was further away from peace and anything that looked like or resembled peace. I was close to being outside of my mind; I was depressed and needed God and anti- depressants to come up out of that pit. Peace was very far away. With the last relationship I was in there was never any peace. The glue that kept us together was sex, passion, lies, deceit, and drama, anything but peace.
Could it be that while on the quest for love, I should have been on the quest for peace? I have found that where there is peace there is love but where there is love there isn’t always peace. A road paved with peace and love will lead you on a journey to a place where happiness grows in abundance. Always fall for the one who brings you closer to your peace.
No longer single and ready to mingle, currently on a peace seeking mission.
Ok. I admit it. I am so out of the dating game. Exchanging numbers is easy but what should happen next? Who should call or text first? How long should you wait before you interact? It’s always a thin line between being interested and being overzealous, so I usually just follow the mans lead. “The Guy” from the mixer texted me first to make sure I had his number and name locked in. The whole next day I’m going over in my mind should I call? Should I text? Should I tell him it was nice meeting him and I look forward to seeing him again? Is he going to think I am a creeper? I wrote and erased several texts before he finally just called me and we had our first of many phone conversations.
For those of you who don’t know my 9-5 is being a customer service agent. I’m on the phone solving issues all day and it’s rare that I want to or enjoying talking on the phone outside of that. So when I say I enjoy talking to ” The Guy” it is a rarity for me. It’s just good getting to know someone and having conversations of substance. I would consider this mingling.
Single and dabbling in mingling!
Guess who mingled, and mingled well ? That would be me! Last Friday I had a girlfriend date. First I met up with my Pink Promise Indy sisters. We are a group of ladies who have made the conscious decision to honor God with our lives, hearts, and bodies. We met for sushi and girl talk and had a great discussion about the difference between courting and dating.
Later that night I met up with writemind, (follow her blog at http://www.wordsbywritemind.com/apps/blog) for a networking singles mixer. I don’t have anything to promote yet ( aside from my lovely blog) but I am glad I went for suppot. I met a hopeless romantic, a cancer, who told me about his heartbreak. He had a artsy vibe and dreamy eyes. Next we met a friendly yet socially awkward guy who told us a bogus yet funny story about being a jig-a-lo. Finally, I met a cute chocolate man with dimples and a cool quiet demeanour. Our conversation flowed effortlessly from one topic to the next with no awkward pauses. I told him if I won the door prize I would take him out, and if he won he would take me out. We shook on it and I won the door prize. I really wanted to dance but I’m waist training and could barely breathe, so I had to pass. He walked us to the car and we made plans to link up in the coming weeks.
Single and not quite ready to Mingle but open to the possibilities!
Okay there are a few things that I wish men knew about me. First off being single and being interested are two entirely different things. Me being single does not equate interest in you. It does not obligate me to exchange numbers or entertain a conversation. I don’t feel bad about being single and I don’t allow others to make me feel bad about it either. I don’t chase men. While I will show that I am interested, those who desire someone who is going to call them, text them, and send frequent pictures all day need not apply. I am just not that kind of a girl. I have interests that far extend pass the interest in the opposite sex and anyone looking to date me should as well. A well planned date to the park, art show, hiking, working out or eating at restaurants (no chains) will get you a call back and probably another date. Phrases like “Whatever you want to do” “Why you go to church all the time” and “ I can come over after you put the kids to sleep” will likely land you on the blocked caller list. The thing is I really try not to be bitter about this whole dating thing. I really do try to let my guard down. I just haven’t met anyone who makes me want to dive in and through caution to the wind.
So about that single life…
Single and Not ready to Mingle
If only he had a passion for Christ like I do. If only he was saved like me. If only he would read the bible like I do. If only he would pray like I do. If only he would attend church like I do. If only he had a relationship with Christ like I do. If only he had a desire to be saved and sanctified he would be perfect. Listen up single Christian ladies it is God’s intent to bless you with a PARTNER not a PROJECT.
Jeramiah 29:11 NIV states:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
It is not Gods’ will to have us unequally yoked.
2Corithians 6:14 NIV states
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
By no means am I saying that your MR. Right is going to be 100% Right when you met him. What I am saying is to think about where you are in your walk. If you want someone who is going to compliment your walk and help push you closer to God then he should have some kind of foundation as well. How can someone push you closer to a God they have no relationship with? If you are with someone you obviously would want them to spend time with you. If you spend a great amount of time at church, or serving you would want them to as well. It doesn’t profit you to go to church and spend the whole time thinking about the man you left at home. You will not enjoy yourself or place yourself in a position to receive what you need out of service when your thoughts are distracted.
Christian Single Ladies we must do better. We can not continue to pray until we pass out and continue to cry ourselves to sleep at night over a man who has no desire to be on the same page as us. We can not trick ourselves into believing if I just pray enough, live right enough, love hard enough he will change. We can not compromise on what we believe in our heart just so it can make sense in our head. We can not continue to be torn between satisfying a man and serving God. We must do better.
Single and Not Ready to Mingle